It felt like an eternity, but it was only two years. Or maybe three, counting the first bout of depression. Today, for the first time in a few years, I made a schedule for the evening. I used to be a person who made schedules, and I’m astonished that I’ve made it to a place where it’s become my natural tendency once again. I didn’t even have to think about it.
I didn’t delve deep into depression and anxiety on purpose. It’s not a hole you dig for yourself–more a pit you fall into. I didn’t realize I was there until I looked and saw a little glimmer of light and realized that I had been living in complete darkness. It looked like a whole lot of work to get out, and it was, but I think I’ve stepped out. I’m more me again. And I’m coming to think that there is always an end to despair. Hard times reveal to us our strengths. Believe your strengths. (Hint: 2 Corinthians 12… your weakness is where you will find strength!)
So, tonight I have a schedule. Not just intention to do laundry or make dinner, but a timed-out plan and a husband to hold me accountable (because of course I sent him a text outlining the night).
After a three week visit “home” I am feeling refreshed. More myself. I can do this.